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to be or not to be (day four)

there is a girl i know, desperate to be accepted- she wastes all her parents’ money, buying things clothes and items that don’t make her a better person and hurting people she truly so cares about. she shrouds herself in anonymity so no one can lay a finger on her, but that backfires. she used to be so unique, but i watched her slowly disintegrate into a shell of frustration and unoriginality, unable to find herself in the midst of her surroundings. when i first met her, she was rough on the edges but so smart and so eager to do good for the world. now, she’s a perfectly round bubble with the sharp sides stuck inside that hit and hit the walls until t h e y  b u r s t. i can call her stupid, and she wouldn’t be too hurt, because inside, she realizes it. funnily enough, no matter how she tries to give off a sense of normality, she can tell something is missing. it used to be filled with people to worship, but now it’s tv shows she follows religiously and rumours she doesn’t bother to dispel. she never does anything for herself, thus becoming her biggest nightmare- ordinary. she constantly has to reassure herself that she is, indeed, special and in doing so, has become a narcissistic nobody, easily replaceable if ever to be broken. but it’s impossible to go back to the way that it was before, to the girl she was before.

that girl is me.

i would just like to thank mike dang for his addition to this confession compilation that shaped how this post came to be. it really and truly helped me to reflect and i am utterly grateful

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