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no one said it was easy (day twenty five)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Enough Is Enough.”

but i assumed that it was gonna be a piece of cake anyways. and what’s it? having friends, of course.

i’m not sure if it was just chick flicks or ya novels who made me assume that each group goes around with their own clique avoiding other cliques, but i keep getting surprised when i realize again and again that the notion isn’t true. or at least, not everywhere. where i go to school, it’s almost impossible to differentiate people into clean cut friend groups. it’s like god himself giggled and decided to mix all the colors of play-do until it all became an ugly brown blob and people just mesh and interact until you and i can’t tell the purple from the yellow.

in the least creepiest way possible, that’s why it’s so fun to observe people. to sit next to someone in chemistry and then see them interact with people in the hallways is such an odd experience. but i’m not going to lie it’s also hella confusing. everything seems to be confusing to me, but remembering who likes who is exhausting. i can’t count the number of times my friends say something whole-heartedly and then when i state my support a few hours later everyone sighs and says in a diminishing tone that she and james are back together (like, duh) and probably going to get married in the next fourteen minutes and it’s again just occurring to me that it’s not worth it.

Phoebe_stop_the_madness

again, i throw in the towel.

my grades suffer because i waste my time worrying about what my actions and words might accidentally convey and how other people might see me. it’s so stupid, especially because these people aren’t good people. some don’t work hard and are so mean, and honestly i question the values of others. high school is literally four years of life. whatever happened between sixth grade and now has made my life so much worse (mostly academically), and i only have myself to blame for it. me and my overthinking brain. i’m pretty sure that if i had stayed the same from sixth grade, i would’ve been one of those teens who would’ve been interviewed for a yahoo article or met the president. yes i would be a load weirder but i would also be a ton smarter. what a shame. there’s nothing i can do because i’ve made myself lazy. i used to be a thin, smart kid and now i’m out of shape and metaphorically a loser. being surrounded by successful people is both motivating and upsetting.

but of course, that’s just me and my school. this is something i often jump from side to side on. tomorrow, i’ll probably put my friends back on their pedestals, no matter how rude they can be.

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