phenomena (day fifty eight)

everyone is talking about the dress. i’m so sick of hearing about it that i wouldn’t divulge in any more details except that you can look up the bolded words and science suddenly comes to play. i first heard about it online, where i saw various people posting about it. didn’t care too much, mostly because there was no context. and then my friend mentioned it (via group chat) and suddenly no one would shut up about it. and i made the mistake of talking to another friend about it. at this point i’m honestly so fed up with this whole fiasco that i might punch the next person who brings it up, so naturally when he tried to convince me that i was wrong i just didn’t bother to respond. and today, everyone suddenly keeps talking about it. it’s brought up in math class, and asked about during lunch. and i don’t know why, but i have the natural feeling to bolt. like this whole topic has deviated so much from something tangible to something inconclusive. with all the hype it’s receiving, i wouldn’t be surprised if cnn did a special on it. this seems to happen with so many other things that come up. a friend will start talking about her feelings for her boyfriend, and i’ll just bolt. i’ve watched crime shows my entire life, and probably seen over 500 dead bodies throughout those episodes, but i can’t handle listening to people arguing about something so… idiotic. it’s overplayed, and i’m pretty sure it just rose to fame yesterday. the conversation is about as special as the joke “how do five gay guys walk… in one direction“. not offensive, but perhaps offensively annoying.


darby tried to focus. breathe… normally. just in and then out. it didn’t work. these nerves were getting the best of her, and all she could notice was how loud her heart was beating. or maybe… it was just her. they had always described it in books and movies, where the quirky female protagonist narrates how everyone can just hear your heartbeats. you’ve done this for your entire life. how is it that you can’t do what anyone can do at this moment? she tried to concentrate on the boots of the kids in front of her. she thought about how they all resembled each other, wearing sweaters in such similar shades of gray that they may as well had been picking shirts off of color swatches. her eyes wandered to their pants, how expensive they must be just for the name of the brand. and how their furry boots looked at most, comfortable, alone, but almost aggressive together, their various heights and (again) similar shades to almost prove their friendship. she looked at xavier’s new haircut, and for a second was so shocked by how spiky it was, wondering how much gel could possibly be in the few inches on his head. and this worked… for a second. and then, she made eye contact. just for a split second- she couldn’t help it. and she decided that she couldn’t decide what colour his eyes were, because that would involve staring at the top of his face for more than the biweekly glances she always stole. her spanish teacher opened up the heavy wooden door, accidentally slamming it onto the unevenly textured walls. and this surprised darby enough to avoid walking into xavier and his nearly lethal hair, both of whom had stopped to avoid colliding with the freshmen who talked like this as if they were neighbourhood women gossiping in the 50’s about how lena from the end of the block got pregnant and they just knew that it wasn’t harold’s. switch their monochrome outfits and they may as well have been part of a gardening club. he looked away awkwardly, and almost immediately looked forward again as if she hadn’t glanced up at him. but he was too determined, and darby knew that he had seen her. so with one turn, she walked into her spanish room for fourth period and tried to shake off the discomfort of that non encounter.

fight or flight (day fifty seven)


it’s surreal how different i react to something so… constant in the span of just a few years. i’m so unmoved by snow that i haven’t taken a picture of it even though my first snow of 2015 was days ago. however, considering i live where i live, it’s a little confusing to determine what constitutes as snow.

but yeah, school was finally cancelled. i’m dreading returning, since i feel like there will be a bunch to cover in so much less time, but it was a nice break. not exactly how i intended for it to go, but nice overall.


i got waffle house. of any food establishment, i must say waho is the fav. i used to omelets and hashbrowns for the most part, but after becoming an avid parks and recs fan, i started getting whipped cream and waffles. it’s actually delicious, and a lot lighter than eggs. still, i can only have waffle house a few times a year to avoid detesting it, but each time i go i push the line between deliciousness and nausea.

and then…


grizfolk favorited one of my tweets. i was looking at workout clothes in dick’s sporting goods and i heard a familiar song being played. i was so excited to recognize that it was grizfolk, who supported bastille on tour.


and of course, playing around with graphic design. i have yet to see more than a snippet of taylor’s performance, but i’ve loved the brit awards ever since bastille, rudimental and ella eyre teamed up and created the catchiest live mashup ever.

kind of a surreal day, especially since i spent hours working on a “surreal”

a snow day in pictures (and some words) (day fifty six)


i love this feeling, but i hate this part (day fifty four)


to me, this is one of the most genius quotes in all of the perks of being a wallflower. i can’t say underrated, because every sentence in that book is quoted way too often. it’s nonetheless the kind of a question that makes me stop and think, this person explained it perfectly (like any taylor swift lyrics basically). why do we let people walk over us, and treat us like we’re different? it’s unexplainable which is distressing because it is connected so heavily to domestic abuse and bullying.

in the new song greek tragedy, the wombats remind us that this is as uncommon as hot dog stands in new york city. the back and forth of this sick relationship will only end in a sweet sort of destruction. like you know things won’t be okay, but the alarms in your head are drowned out by a slow symphony of music (think of the soundtrack to effy’s drug highs in skins). it’s interesting, because in the end most people don’t blame their significant other. the fact that greek tragedy is such a common term shows how unexplainable this phenomenon is. people don’t always want to be hurt. sometimes we realize it, but don’t (or can’t) do anything about it.

the music video (both the original and the remix) are in my opinion, amazing. i’m a lenient critic for everything, but i thought both were creative in unexplainable ways. i honestly love both, but i chose the version above because a song can only get better when bastille remixes it. it’s incredible, the music video is even remixed.

she hits like ecstasy

so free up the cheaper seats

here comes the greek tragedy…


on being a pushover (day fifty three)

the first step is admitting you have a problem problem*

i am a pushover. a people pleaser. passive aggressive sometimes, but for the most part just passive. it’s a bad habit for anyone because you let people walk over you and allow your self worth to be determined by the most irrelevant of things. i thought i was always being paranoid and melodramatic about my relationships with other people, but last night a couple of people i don’t know as well as i’d like pointed out that i’m not treated well by my friends. even though i don’t regularly hang out with these people, i’ve always thought of them as the best. like they are the nicest, and most altruistic of the people i know. and so i really value what they’re pointing out, and even though this is something i won’t ever be able to bring up again with them, i’m gonna try and stand up for myself.

i think the biggest issue i have in all of this is that i’m never consistent. i go from “f yeah i’m an original 100% special person who will not be treated wrongly” to “but this is only for a few more years”. i wish i was more stable,

i recently began thinking about all of this after seeing one of the many astrological signs** and song lyrics (from bastille) and i got weapon. it’s unexplainably catchy. the beat is so prominent it feels like a battle cry or something, and the lyrics are even more impressive. as i was reading my horoscope (i’m virgo), i thought to myself this song is going to change my life. i’m gonna make a change. and i think i’m on the road to success. if anyone else is feeling this way, i wish you the best of luck on your journey.


No one ever lets me talk this long, I just got lost

-jerry gergich

*unsurprisingly, no one seems to know the rest of the steps, or at least they’re not quoted this often.

**i’m a little wary of the new hype with horoscopes on tumblr since i’ve been doing it for years before, but when it corresponds you just think to yourself how did they even know that. it’s a catchy


the key to internet success (day fifty one)

this title is a bit misleading because i have not found out how to become an online icon nor would i tell you. just being honest. to me, i see becoming a prominent blogger or vlogger (or whatever) as kind of the same thing as losing weight- it’s possible, it seems, to everyone but me. and because of that, there are countless ways to go about it and many of the most successful got there naturally.

for someone who currently has a little over twenty followers on her blog (thank you by the way… i think that’s really cool even though it’s a really low number), i think about social network fame quite often. i think it’s just the inquisitive side of me that comes out from my overabundance of time on the internet, but it makes me quite paranoid. i’m at the that time of the school year where i begin to think that having just one successful text post would change my life. with technology becoming a frequent part in most peoples’ lives, it seems that becoming youtube famous or having a trendy and successful (yet hipster) blog is all that most people want. i kind of get that, because i’ve felt the desire for both (and for taylor swift to follow me on tumblr). but then i realize that the people i look up to the most, in terms of recording their lives for the rest of the world to see, didn’t do it for the perks. they had a message and a viewpoint, and were just creative enough to be found and liked.

i always get so caught up in things that irritate me- one of the biggest things i can’t stand looking into the comment section and seeing “i love bruno mars so much!11¡¡¡¡¡¡ if you have time, could you please check out my covers… my dream is to make music for the world to see 🙂 <3” it’s the equivalent of those big blogs on tumblr lying about how great a product or company is and their other big blogged friends adding unrealistic positive comments when reblogging. typing this out makes me realize how pathetic i’m being right now.

Screen Shot 2015-02-21 at 12.44.03 AM

in an overthinking world, it’s nice to know there are candid people setting us all straight.


when will i ever party like it’s 1989?? (day fifty)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “My Hero.”

like most of america (especially right now), i love taylor swift. my affection of her is shown by the largeness of her tag on this site, memorization of every song, and of course… abundance of reaction gifs from her cameos or live performances.

people refer to her success as one of an ugly duckling, which i see a bit. i’m saying this because she was a bullied for her unorthodox taste (she was actually adorable as a kid and young teen), but. but then, she made it her own. she’s the most inconspicuous of world-dominators if i may say so. as pretty, talented and affluential she is, that’s what makes her stand out to me. before the release of 1989, before she really decided to become happy by choice, she was always bashed. and once she stopped caring, it’s as if the world became her blank canvas to throw paint on. and it somehow ended up looking like a salvador dalí masterpiece.

granted, she’s a great singer and even greater songwriter, but this never works for me. it’s like i’m on a diet- i always switch back and forth between caring so much to caring so little about how other people think of me. many people i know are fans of hers, which i find kind of odd because their personalities epitomize what she spoke out against. she’s like a beacon of hope- if i find something i care that much about, and work towards it, i too can earn 7 grammys (seriously though, maybe i’ll amount to bigger things). but then again, life is gray and we’re someone’s antagonist, love interest, secondary character, etc.

she’s coming by for the 1989 world tour in a few months, and i’m heartbroken i don’t have tickets. i’ll be even more dejected if haim is also opening up for that date (along with vance joy- this sounds like a dream) but i guess i’ll just… party like it’s 1989