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balance (day thirty two)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Teacher’s Pet.”

i can’t tell you much about my teachers other than that i liked them all. i remember that i had snickerdoodles for the first time because of my fifth grade teacher and that my second grade teacher, mrs. cobb, came to my house one day in the summer and gave me a radio because i won a reading contest and that in preschool i had a teacher who had a miscarriage and i thought it was one of my schoolmates who caused it he they hugged her. all i have are few distinct memories from my schooldays and that’s it- no impact that stays with me besides my handwriting.

i do have this one teacher who talks about diets quite often. it’s nice to listen, beyond the fact that it means that we’re not working. to listen to someone else’s issues sometimes gives you insight on your own. i had an eating disorder a few years ago, and i still suffer from body dysmorphia today, so i’m always wary of people when they talk about weight loss. it’s a demeaning process sometimes, because often you’re always hungry when all you want is a cupcake or you have to run even though you just hate running or you exercise and diet so much just to gain it back again. to hear someone else talk about it makes you realize how absurd diets are- you go on a fast just to fit in a dress all to gain it back again in a few weeks. the word itself connotes temporariness. and so after three or so years of always scrutinizing my body, i seem to have found the cure all.

now, i have never been one to believe that a pill is going to help someone magically lose weight and keep it off. neither will a quirky diet or juice fast. after watching hundreds of videos about weight loss, i finally realize that balance is what i need, not just for my body but for life. i’m an extremely sensitive person which means i’m prone to a rollercoaster of emotion every once in a while. it’s the worse when it’s at school because you’re worrying about how other people see you, but i pity my parents when they have to deal with me at that state. they have to tiptoe around so much, mostly because i yell and cry a lot. but after a meltdown, i always see a bit of clarity. sometimes my epiphanies are a little misguided and leave me questioning everything i do, but after yesterday’s breakdown, i just think that it would be wise for me to have some balance in my life. it’s a proactive journey, so i better start as soon as possible.

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