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on being a pushover (day fifty three)

the first step is admitting you have a problem problem*

i am a pushover. a people pleaser. passive aggressive sometimes, but for the most part just passive. it’s a bad habit for anyone because you let people walk over you and allow your self worth to be determined by the most irrelevant of things. i thought i was always being paranoid and melodramatic about my relationships with other people, but last night a couple of people i don’t know as well as i’d like pointed out that i’m not treated well by my friends. even though i don’t regularly hang out with these people, i’ve always thought of them as the best. like they are the nicest, and most altruistic of the people i know. and so i really value what they’re pointing out, and even though this is something i won’t ever be able to bring up again with them, i’m gonna try and stand up for myself.

i think the biggest issue i have in all of this is that i’m never consistent. i go from “f yeah i’m an original 100% special person who will not be treated wrongly” to “but this is only for a few more years”. i wish i was more stable,

i recently began thinking about all of this after seeing one of the many astrological signs** and song lyrics (from bastille) and i got weapon. it’s unexplainably catchy. the beat is so prominent it feels like a battle cry or something, and the lyrics are even more impressive. as i was reading my horoscope (i’m virgo), i thought to myself this song is going to change my life. i’m gonna make a change. and i think i’m on the road to success. if anyone else is feeling this way, i wish you the best of luck on your journey.

IMG_0693

No one ever lets me talk this long, I just got lost

-jerry gergich

*unsurprisingly, no one seems to know the rest of the steps, or at least they’re not quoted this often.

**i’m a little wary of the new hype with horoscopes on tumblr since i’ve been doing it for years before, but when it corresponds you just think to yourself how did they even know that. it’s a catchy

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