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plans??? (day one hundred thirty nine)

i am done with school. mentally, i gave up months ago, but i have pulled through and taken my last exam. every year when this time hits i think back and am impressed by my getting this far. i don’t know what i expected, but finishing sophomore year was not it. and with the ending of another school year comes my another summer of my mom’s incessant reminders to plan. she’s a textbook planner if you don’t count her tardiness. and while i’m sure she was hoping i would be making a list of sheets i need to pick up, i’m excited to unveil my summer plans.

  1. be able to pull off a basic hairstyle from a youtube tutorial. i’m not talking those inverted, upside down and ti-dyed braids. just curling my hair correctly. bonus points if i learn it from a magazine
  2. win (or at least enter too many) sweepstakes. i’m kind of banking on seventeen to provide me with more bathing suits
  3. use spanish. naturally, and outside the classroom. it’s a cliche dream, but i know that this is literally the only way to sound natural and understand normally
  4. write here every other day. i’m going to south america later this summer and i can’t bring my computer, and i can’t imagine writing 10 posts ahead of time, but 5 sounds a little more doable.
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old, sly dog (day one hundred thirty two)

first of all, i apologize for my disappearance. i may not have a lot of readers, but i’m very thankful for those of you who think that what i’m blabbering on about is important enough to follow.

things have flipped around a few times, and within the past few weeks i changed from a miserable person to a balanced, figuring-it-out girl. i think it’s no coincidence that this all came around the time i started watching the office, but more on that later. nothing sudden has happened, but i slowly and kind of randomly found little moments of pride and happiness. a 95 on a math quiz, or an anecdote my friends find hilarious. it’s sad that those are the things that make me happiest, but i guess my goals aren’t elaborate. i really want to end the school year strong, but that would involve having a non-fluctuating grade in math and such. that is not the case, and i’ve changed my goal to just hanging on.

but i can tell things have changed.

little things, like my reading habits or my exercise plan. i used to read all at once, or at the very least, large chunks of a novel in few sittings. instead, i’ve learned to put a book down for the sake of getting enough sleep. i’m rereading welcome to the monkey house, which i started about two weeks ago, and i’m still just halfway through. i try to get a story each night before bed, but i’ve skipped that the past few days. and this blog… well somehow it kind of dropped from my priorities, and i think that’s okay. summer is coming, and hopefully i’ll write enough to make it up. i also started running again. i’ve always been the one to crack jokes about being out of shape, and until i’m able to run a few miles without stopping, i’ll continue that. and i’ve joined clubs. a broadcasting one and a womens’ one.

this is all kind of a jumble but it’s just to fill in for the past several days in which i was silent on here. i’m going to try to piece out my schoolwork, which is something i rarely do because i don’t have that kind of patience. i’m a frustrated person if i don’t finish things in my first try, so this will test my patience.

so yeah, i’m sure everyone i know has been doing what i’ve just started trying. but i’m learning, which is something.

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old, sly dog (day one hundred thirty two)

first of all, i apologize for my disappearance. i may not have a lot of readers, but i’m very thankful for those of you who think that what i’m blabbering on about is important enough to follow.

things have flipped around a few times, and within the past few weeks i changed from a miserable person to a balanced, figuring-it-out girl. i think it’s no coincidence that this all came around the time i started watching the office, but more on that later. nothing sudden has happened, but i slowly and kind of randomly found little moments of pride and happiness. a 95 on a math quiz, or an anecdote my friends find hilarious. it’s sad that those are the things that make me happiest, but i guess my goals aren’t elaborate. i really want to end the school year strong, but that would involve having a non-fluctuating grade in math and such. that is not the case, and i’ve changed my goal to just hanging on.

but i can tell things have changed.

little things, like my reading habits or my exercise plan. i used to read all at once, or at the very least, large chunks of a novel in few sittings. instead, i’ve learned to put a book down for the sake of getting enough sleep. i’m rereading welcome to the monkey house, which i started about two weeks ago, and i’m still just halfway through. i try to get a story each night before bed, but i’ve skipped that the past few days. and this blog… well somehow it kind of dropped from my priorities, and i think that’s okay. summer is coming, and hopefully i’ll write enough to make it up. i also started running again. i’ve always been the one to crack jokes about being out of shape, and until i’m able to run a few miles without stopping, i’ll continue that. and i’ve joined clubs. a broadcasting one and a womens’ one.

this is all kind of a jumble but it’s just to fill in for the past several days in which i was silent on here. i’m going to try to piece out my schoolwork, which is something i rarely do because i don’t have that kind of patience. i’m a frustrated person if i don’t finish things in my first try, so this will test my patience.

so yeah, i’m sure everyone i know has been doing what i’ve just started trying. but i’m learning, which is something.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Beyond the Pale.”

i used to run. i used to exercise a lot, in fact. when i was younger, probably around 12 or 13, i was able to run a few miles without getting winded. and then, somehow, once i hit high school i stopped trying. i rarely exercised, which i always cracked a few jokes about (those are usually the most popular) and just tried to eat more healthily to make up for that. recently (basically in the past week), i started going out and jogging a little. people say that you should “get back into” running a few miles at a time. i took that advice, except i probably run half a mile and then stop and walk a little. but i feel good. i feel that i’ll stay consistent because i like the way it makes me feel after (i’m usually under the impression that my legs look great the day after when, in fact, they probably look the same). i really do want 2015 to be the year in which exercising stops being a chore and actually just a normal part of my life, and i hope that by the end of this year i’ll be able to run a few miles without stopping. i usually play this game by myself where i start running when it’s flat, and i won’t let myself stop around people or until i hit a hill. it’s a quirky little thing that i’d be embarrassed if anyone saw, but in the end, this is going to be good for me.

beyond the pale: running (day one hundred and twenty two)

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full moon: times are a changing (day one hundred eighteen)

change is such an odd thing in that you rarely recognize it happening. or at least, i only notice it in retrospect. maybe i was never observant enough or assumed it would be a one-time deal until it happened enough that you just stop noticing it as separate occasions and let it become the norm. sometime between two weeks ago and now, i just became better. i sleep more, i eat more healthily, i seem to be funnier, i’m working better at schoolwork, and to be honest, i think i look better (i started wearing mascara and straightening my hair). i’m glad that all this is happening, and though this seems to affect other things, i’m okay. because what i’ve accomplished were my objectives. it’s okay that my ideas for design aren’t as sharp and i read novels more slowly and i’m watching less tv. because i think i’m happy

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blame and guilt (day one hundred sixteen)

there’s a reason it’s called retail therapy. and i hate it. i can’t decide if i hate shopping. i the ten minutes before and after swiping the card, and there’s this wave of guilt going through me. except instead of the woosh it’s a faint “you don’t need this”. and i don’t. i don’t think most people do. i, like many do have things to wear. i didn’t need the dress i bought online a few weeks ago, even though i love it a lot and have already worn it twice. i don’t need the bathing suit i just bought less than twenty minutes ago online (but i feel like i do really need it), and i feel like they have won. who? i’m still trying to figure that out, but for now it’s corporate america. i honestly feel that brands like j. crew and loft target suburban people who have normal lives but would like more. i swear their main customers are people who hate their decision to stay in the suburbs and mistakenly take that frustration out on their credit cards. they know there is more than clothes, but taking the leap to do what they want is too scary.

i can say this, because i am one of them.

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a woman’s not a woman until the pills wear off (day one hundred and ten)

who decided dress code was a good idea?

i pose this question not as someone who “expresses herself through clothing and fashion” but as a teenage girl, free of any dress code violations, who would rather study for my courses over worrying over the width of her tank top. i don’t fall into what most would call inappropriate (i’ve been made fun of for dressing like a teacher), so understand that this doesn’t just come from people who wear short skirts and high heels (which is great for them).

the main reasoning when this whole institution is questioned is that, in school, boys will get distracted with a hard on if they see a bra strap or -gasp- more than two inches between knee and skirt. and, to state the obvious, this is kind of sexist. why should i, an unsuspecting teenage girl, have to dress so the boy sitting behind me can concentrate? and what if i, someone who seems to have a new crush every week yet never does anything about it, am turned on by that sliver of boxer that sometimes peeks through or a boys calves in those shorts? i would say that’s a legitimate argument, as girls are more likely than you would suspect to be attracted to a guy’s back or abs.

and then, there’s also the rationalization that dress codes are somehow supposed to prepare teenagers for the real world. but, assuming that there happen to be occupations outside of offices and courtrooms and banks, this is quite possibly the worst explanation. yes, it’s possible to get discriminated against depending on what you wear, but no cop is going to stop you and hand you a ticket because your dress was four fifths of an inch too short

i don’t want to see anyone’s underwear at school, girl or guys’, but i am completely over the stress and high-horse factor associated with dress code. it’s great if a girl covers herself up or wears short shorts in the summer, but stop acting like your opinion should matter so much. but now that i’m thinking about it, maybe they do prepare people for the real world- girls experience the discrimination that comes with being a woman and boys learn that it’s okay to blame an entire gender for their shortcomings.

“What in hell is a girl with hips like yours doing selling death?”*

this sounds like a drastic example from welcome to the monkey house, but it really doesn’t fall so far from what i’ve heard. of course, substitute selling death with other things, but that’s not the main idea.

i’m a fan of modesty**, but that’s only for myself. it’s important not to decide a woman’s value based on the shortness or length of their skirt.

*title and quote from one of my favorite short stories, welcome to the monkey house, from my favorite collection of short stories, also welcome to the monkey house.

**but what is modesty? isn’t it different for every person, based on height and weight, so entirely unobjective? call me when there’s a number attached to this.

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