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standing up to your sins (day one hundred and nine)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Karma Chameleon.”

i’d like to hope that i’d naturally act fairly to everyone, not because karma were to exist and i’d like a slice of it. i’ve always wanted to “do the right thing” just because it is the right thing to do, not because i would like a break in the future. recently, i’ve become more cynical in terms of the reasons behind my actions, though. but i think, if karma were to be proven past a spiritual level, that my biggest change would be in what i say about the people i know. i’d defend the people i think deserve defending, based not on their social level or class but how good of a person they are. at this point i feel that i would never survive like that. i’m not a strong enough person to stand out so much, and the thought of putting myself out there more than i already am is daunting.

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him

audrey hepburn

*i’m not the most religious person. i hardly go to church that often, but i love how the title sounds. in fact, i feel that most of the christians i know are hypocrites, but that’s for another post.

 

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academic mourning (day one hundred and six)

as you can see from the title of this post, the background is quite somber.

throughout the years, i’ve had parts of my life magnified to help define myself. it varied from being just an overall good kid to my body to my friends, possessions, and most recently, my grades. i seem to be in this horrible cycle of getting bad grades and moping for just a little too long to do well enough in the next opportunity (i drown my sorrows by watching television). but when the series is over (ahem skins) or you have some other kind of reality check, the prospect of opportunity becomes scary. not terrifying, but a passive kind of looming-over-you. it seems inappropriate to jump right into a new opportunity, so after blanking during my chemistry test, i watched an hour of bones and here i am, typing and wondering if i should be doing my homework. but as much as i hate positivity when i’m feeling down, some things are really pushing me to improving.

i have:

  • basically an infinite playlist that won’t distract me since i’ve started listening to the national. i’m a new fan, so most of the songs sound like the others, but i hope in the time to come that i’ll be able to differentiate my favorites.
  • new flair pens (i’ve got 12; i will make sure not to push down too harshly)
  • the weekend. i always think that i’ll become well rested and suddenly replenished over a two and a half day break, but it never seems to work out that way. maybe i’ll renew my books (i haven’t gotten even a third way into americannah and i’m still on the namesake of welcome to the monkey house).

i’m hoping for the best.

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from this day forward (day one hundred and three)

i wil not

  • read those magazine articles that provide false expectations for a major life change (ie leaving a bad relationship, getting a promotion, traveling the world) that are not attainable, not just because it doesn’t apply but because they’re unrealistic
  • spend time with people that are not my friends. this is such a hard thing to do because i have become so accustomed to a steady ten or so people in my life, but it’s becoming clearer that i have more in common with random people than i thought (met a fellow nerdfighter today!)
  • spend less time on electronics and sleep more. as  as that, but i’ve heard it does wonders (i’m officially starting today)
  • become more worldly. i’m starting with a nigerian love story, but hopefully this will end up with me improving my spanish and understanding what’s going on outside of the u.s
  • listen to other peoples’ opinions. not just decisions on group projects, but people of different faiths, political parties, etc. and reminder:
  • understand politics. i listen to npr sporadically, but i have no idea about half the terms they throw out

making lists and declarations has’t always worked out for me. this blog is basically an opposition to the belief that new year’s resolutions rarely pan out, but i haven’t been able to write every day. or, i suppose i can, but i never do.

dftba!

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Nothin’ But A Good Time.”

as a high schooler, it’s impossible to imagine a day without worrying about school. even during breaks, i’ve always had to do extra work (you can see why i hate summer now). of course i’m still a sophomore, but it’s still hard getting everything done.

if i had a day to do whatever i wanted, with no obligations at all, it’d go a little something like this:

wake up at 10 am. make a breakfast quesadilla or a smoothie

and then i’d just read. for the rest of the day, i hope. i was an avid reader when i was younger (i once won a stereo in the second grade that i still use for taylor swift cd’s), but as time went on schoolwork and extracurriculars started taking precedence. i am by no means busier than any of my friends, but i’ve been told that i move and act slowly so that could definitely hinder my scheduling. i just started americanah by chimamanda ngozi adichie and it has such an interesting beginning. i’m only on page six, but the narrator’s words almost sound angsty and sarcastic, something i wouldn’t expect from such a thick book with a dark-ish cover. i also subscribed to two magazines (teen vogue and seventeen) that have yet to come, but in the mean time i’d be getting caught up with time.

and of course, netflix. i can’t seem to finish a series, so i’ve got to work on completing merlin, bones, unbreakable kimmy schmidt, skins and friends.

an unattainable free day (day one hundred and two)

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inverse functions (day ninety nine)

keep in mind that i spend most of my time in school or working on schoolwork (if you don’t count my rampant netflix sessions…) so the idea comes from functions in math, where if y=kx, when k is increased then x is decreased and vice versa. in this instance, i suppose k is the number of pictures worth keeping and x is the accessibility of a camera.

[i have to get up a bit earlier tomorrow, so this post is quite rushed.]

in a world where most of us have phones, and a high percentage of those phones have photo-taking capabilities, does the accessibility make pictures less special? i always think about this when i swipe up on my screen to take a quick, low-quality picture of a funny license plate or stealth pic, because those are ultimately pictures i delete without sharing with anyone or even looking back at. i’m a fickle person in the sense that i don’t like being in pictures, especially if taken on phones. it may just be that because we have the option of taking so many photos, but we go crazy documenting everything and only a small number are quality or worth keeping. does the lack of old-school equipment make us take the opportunity of cementing everything for granted? it may just be that i have yet to master even iphone photography and i’m bitter though.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Switcheroo.”

often i go back in forth between thinking i’ve finally stopped caring what people think about me and being sensitive to a person’s look. i’ve always been quite jealous of those who are naturally independent and confident, because i feel like an improvement in my personality could not just make me happier but could do wonders for my gpa. in an attempt to find a tutorial on how to shrink polyester (long story short i don’t care as much about size when the garment is cheap and good looking), i found sheri pavlovic, a free flowing diy blogger who i appreciate a ton. she has this quirky personality that shows through in her posts and vlogs, and i feel like she’s someone who i’d love to be friends with. undeniably positive with the sense of humour of one of those aunts and armed with some rad photoshop and gif-making skills. not just the skills, but the confidence to make them of herself. she seems like the epitome of a free spirit, not because of a highly filtered photo of an outfit or her clothes, but her personality. she also linked to the crafty gentleman, whose tutorials make me excited to diy (as excited as one who normally sees diy as overrated can be).

i’m not really sure how to become more self-confident, but i hope i find out soon.

funny face (day ninety six)

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I Walk the Line.”

considering i only go to church a few times a year, it’s not a surprise that i am unsure of how good of a person i am (not that i’m saying that either are synonymous with the other, but i was brought up believing that faith almost always alludes to a good heart). i haven’t hit anyone or ruined a person’s life, and i generally would participate in community service in my free time, but at the same time i haven’t always stood up for what i believed in or defended what needs support. i struggle with being myself, in finding the balance between selfishness and altruism. and i think of the role models i’ve had, but they have never been in these kinds of situations.

when i’m muddling through my feelings, i often think that audrey hepburn, my top female of all time, couldn’t be bothered with this sort of foolish back-and-forth. she lived through world war ii, dealing with malnutrition and helping with the dutch resistance. she went on to be, not just kind and beautiful and unique, but incredibly talented. i can’t even imagine going on with that kind of upbringing and turning out that successful. reading her son’s biography, i kept realizing that everything about her was, not just sweet, but honest. it seemed that her heart was so big, yet it had no room for evil.

it’s crazy to think how much the world has changed. the issues i’m dealing with now can’t even compare to what was happening less than a century ago. the norm has changed, and that kind of scares me. how am i supposed to act like someone else when the circumstances and contexts are always changing?

where do i stand (day ninety five)

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