the trouble with concerts

concerts are magical things. you walk in with definite expectations, and come out with a definite experience compact into 3 hours of music. it’s not bad, but you never know what you’re going to get. even if you’ve seen the artist and know all the lyrics, something is bound to surprise you.

my first concert was in the seventh grade, when taylor swift went on the north american leg of her speak now tour. it was an odd time in my life, because i had made my first real group of friends but i still was quite alone. to this day, most of us are intact and spend even more time together. we sat in upper box seats, and it was this crazy experience. you can spend hours laughing over an artist’s interviews and memorizing the breathes and accents in songs, but to be less than a thousand feet from someone you’ve only ever seen on a screen or heard in recording is magical.

then, i attended the red tour. i was never the biggest fan during the time of the concerts, which is something i regretted. of course i was a fan, but then the logistics of parking and buddy-systems got too nerve-wracking. i’m a huge fan now, and i can only hope to see her on the 1989 world tour with haim and vance joy (two artists i was a huge fan of even before she said that they would be opening up for her).

then, last april, i saw karmin in a small venue- no more than a thousand people. it was a really safe experience, for some reason, and the seating had general admission in the front so i was really close to amy and nick. i don’t really listen to them anymore, and i think my interest was at its peak a month within the experience, but i’m excited to see what else they have in store.

and now, the holy grail.

a little over two weeks after seeing karmin, i saw bastille in a place that i generally overlooked. the entire experience was a little coincidental, because my the person i went with was the only really big fan at school, and i just mentioned it after school in a teacher’s room. to this day, i’m still incredulous that four of my favorite people in the world were less than forty feet away from me for hours. the time i spent watching their live performances and smiling over their down-to-earth interviews could not prepare me for the concert at all. i remember they came out, but woody (the drummer) came first, and he just put his arm out to wave and i thought to myself they’re here. just a few miles from where i live.and dan went into the audience during flaws and i just about died even though i never touched his grey hoodie.

so… this originally was going to mention how concerts are almost always problematic, being either you need someone to go with or it’s a school night or holy mother of god that’s expensive. and then when you get there everyone’s holding up their phones and obscuring the view rather than enjoying that brief moment. but in retrospect, it’s all worth it. the money, the time, the sweat, and the tears are all worth it.


it’s surreal how different i react to something so… constant in the span of just a few years. i’m so unmoved by snow that i haven’t taken a picture of it even though my first snow of 2015 was days ago. however, considering i live where i live, it’s a little confusing to determine what constitutes as snow.

but yeah, school was finally cancelled. i’m dreading returning, since i feel like there will be a bunch to cover in so much less time, but it was a nice break. not exactly how i intended for it to go, but nice overall.


i got waffle house. of any food establishment, i must say waho is the fav. i used to omelets and hashbrowns for the most part, but after becoming an avid parks and recs fan, i started getting whipped cream and waffles. it’s actually delicious, and a lot lighter than eggs. still, i can only have waffle house a few times a year to avoid detesting it, but each time i go i push the line between deliciousness and nausea.

and then…


grizfolk favorited one of my tweets. i was looking at workout clothes in dick’s sporting goods and i heard a familiar song being played. i was so excited to recognize that it was grizfolk, who supported bastille on tour.


and of course, playing around with graphic design. i have yet to see more than a snippet of taylor’s performance, but i’ve loved the brit awards ever since bastille, rudimental and ella eyre teamed up and created the catchiest live mashup ever.

kind of a surreal day, especially since i spent hours working on a “surreal”

a snow day in pictures (and some words) (day fifty six)


on being a pushover (day fifty three)

the first step is admitting you have a problem problem*

i am a pushover. a people pleaser. passive aggressive sometimes, but for the most part just passive. it’s a bad habit for anyone because you let people walk over you and allow your self worth to be determined by the most irrelevant of things. i thought i was always being paranoid and melodramatic about my relationships with other people, but last night a couple of people i don’t know as well as i’d like pointed out that i’m not treated well by my friends. even though i don’t regularly hang out with these people, i’ve always thought of them as the best. like they are the nicest, and most altruistic of the people i know. and so i really value what they’re pointing out, and even though this is something i won’t ever be able to bring up again with them, i’m gonna try and stand up for myself.

i think the biggest issue i have in all of this is that i’m never consistent. i go from “f yeah i’m an original 100% special person who will not be treated wrongly” to “but this is only for a few more years”. i wish i was more stable,

i recently began thinking about all of this after seeing one of the many astrological signs** and song lyrics (from bastille) and i got weapon. it’s unexplainably catchy. the beat is so prominent it feels like a battle cry or something, and the lyrics are even more impressive. as i was reading my horoscope (i’m virgo), i thought to myself this song is going to change my life. i’m gonna make a change. and i think i’m on the road to success. if anyone else is feeling this way, i wish you the best of luck on your journey.


No one ever lets me talk this long, I just got lost

-jerry gergich

*unsurprisingly, no one seems to know the rest of the steps, or at least they’re not quoted this often.

**i’m a little wary of the new hype with horoscopes on tumblr since i’ve been doing it for years before, but when it corresponds you just think to yourself how did they even know that. it’s a catchy


sing me to sleep (day thirty)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Playlist of the Week.”

1. andrew mcmahon in the wilderness- rainy girl

i don’t know man, i have really just been listening to andrew recently. i knew some songs when he was in jack’s mannequin but became a huge fan when he went solo and released the pop underground. now, i’m super glad that he has out a new record- totally worth a listen. it’s so calming and dream-like, and in a perfect world would be the soundtrack to a perfect day in massachussetts

2. the wombats- greek tragedy (bastille remix)

i’m a sucker for anything bastille related, so when i heard about this new remix on tumblr, i was already in. it took a few listens, but now i’m hooked. the original song is amazing, but i love when bastille remixes a song and makes it sound even more haunting.

3. mø- say you’ll be there (spice girls remix)

my favorite spice girls song- ever. ’nuff said.

4. kygo feat. conrad- firestone

i love kygo’s remixes (favorites include i see fire and sexual healing). i heard this song for the first time two months ago, but my friend started playing it and reminded me that i love this song. like, a lot.

5. the smiths- asleep

just finished rereading perks of being a wallflower, and if you’ve ever read it you’ll understand why i chose this. charlie was not lying about this song. it makes me feel like i’m floating in a pool of sadness but i’m okay with it.


when your fave is not what you expected (day twelve)

i finally broke the original new year’s resolution. what a disappointment.

but then again things don’t always go the way you hoped, but that’s life.

last night, i attended this incredibly preppy but nonetheless fun dance. my previous experience with [anything related to school] dances always includes an awkward hour between arriving and feeling somewhat normal, and last night did not disappoint. it was a serious kind of dance, where you ask a guy (shocking… i know) months in advance and you eat dinner and swing dance* i was really looking forward to this dance, and i was kind of under the assumption that it would be life-changing (i skipped last year’s concert because i had no date and they had no space, but fear not for i went to a bastille concert*). instead, it was mostly awkward with a side feeling of hunger. i’m not saying i like this guy, but i definitely expected something more eventful than attempting to swing dance with him and then giving up and leaving for the fun section towards the band.

and then, we went to waffle house.

i don’t know about you, but a trip to waffle house is something i plan in advance. i almost always know what i’m ordering (hashbrowns, waffle with whipped cream, toast, hot chocolate), and it’s certainly something i always look forward to. a few of my friends and i (plus our dates) waited in our booths for maybe forty minutes before everyone decided to leave out of frustration (there were only two workers and maybe 30 hungry customers, but the waitress hadn’t come to either of our tables because she thought we were irritating***). i sat alone in waffle house for at least thirty minutes out of my own stupidity, because i didn’t clarify that i needed to get picked up. mostly i was sighing and looking at my phone, and at the end of my stay there the waitress came up to me and told me that two men were offering to pay for food, which i nervously declined.

what a night.

*this is a skill i have yet to acquire.

**after that night, i spent a week in a cloud because the bassist who looked at me

***and to be fair, we were- my friends were all complaining. it was pretty obvious she thought we were annoying because she started cleaning plates when there were stacks of clean ones instead of coming to take our orders (i thought this was hilarious by the way)


oasis: away from the winds and sounds of the city* (day seven)


A sanctuary is a place you can escape to, to catch your breath and remember who you are. Write about the place you go to when everything is a bit too much.

i would like to say that i always know who i am. but i don’t, because i feel like an eclectic mix of fourteen personalities depending on the situation i’m in, and the people i’m surrounded with. i go online to really relax, mostly from pressures that come from all around. i’m not a different person online, but instead of having my words and actions be criticized, i can admire the work of others as a passive bystander. *whenever teachers and parents preach about the importance of being a leader, i feel a twinge of disbelief. we all believe that our children can become president, and they can, but many forget that being a leader and being a follower are not opposites. you can be both, and i think that in a good leader you need someone who is willing to back up an idea even if he or she doesn’t get the credit that we all want.*

quite possibly the greatest thing of being on the grid is that while it’s foolproof to be interactive, it’s not necessary. if there’s something irrelevant blowing up on twitter (like if zayn malik’s tweet really did mean that) that i don’t want to be a part of, i can close that tab and open any other page. when i log onto netflix, quite possibly the only conversation i have is the company asking if i liked the movie and if i typically watch that genre. it’s entirely optional and unnecessary to read the reviews, and for only $7.99 i can forget that i have subject tests and tennis tryouts and watch two seasons of parks and recreation in two days.

of course relying on your computer/phone/tablet/whatever samsung is producing these days for entertainment can be the root of some problems. while i say that i’d rather people interact face to face without checking instagram, i fall into the pressure of not being the girl who stares around while waiting for lunch. i wonder if other people have this issue. i want to say i’m torn but i think it’s just the overthinker in me.

*the nomenclature of this post comes from the song skulls by my favorite band, bastille, so check out this awesome remix on their latest album release other people’s heartache part III