a woman’s not a woman until the pills wear off (day one hundred and ten)

who decided dress code was a good idea?

i pose this question not as someone who “expresses herself through clothing and fashion” but as a teenage girl, free of any dress code violations, who would rather study for my courses over worrying over the width of her tank top. i don’t fall into what most would call inappropriate (i’ve been made fun of for dressing like a teacher), so understand that this doesn’t just come from people who wear short skirts and high heels (which is great for them).

the main reasoning when this whole institution is questioned is that, in school, boys will get distracted with a hard on if they see a bra strap or -gasp- more than two inches between knee and skirt. and, to state the obvious, this is kind of sexist. why should i, an unsuspecting teenage girl, have to dress so the boy sitting behind me can concentrate? and what if i, someone who seems to have a new crush every week yet never does anything about it, am turned on by that sliver of boxer that sometimes peeks through or a boys calves in those shorts? i would say that’s a legitimate argument, as girls are more likely than you would suspect to be attracted to a guy’s back or abs.

and then, there’s also the rationalization that dress codes are somehow supposed to prepare teenagers for the real world. but, assuming that there happen to be occupations outside of offices and courtrooms and banks, this is quite possibly the worst explanation. yes, it’s possible to get discriminated against depending on what you wear, but no cop is going to stop you and hand you a ticket because your dress was four fifths of an inch too short

i don’t want to see anyone’s underwear at school, girl or guys’, but i am completely over the stress and high-horse factor associated with dress code. it’s great if a girl covers herself up or wears short shorts in the summer, but stop acting like your opinion should matter so much. but now that i’m thinking about it, maybe they do prepare people for the real world- girls experience the discrimination that comes with being a woman and boys learn that it’s okay to blame an entire gender for their shortcomings.

“What in hell is a girl with hips like yours doing selling death?”*

this sounds like a drastic example from welcome to the monkey house, but it really doesn’t fall so far from what i’ve heard. of course, substitute selling death with other things, but that’s not the main idea.

i’m a fan of modesty**, but that’s only for myself. it’s important not to decide a woman’s value based on the shortness or length of their skirt.

*title and quote from one of my favorite short stories, welcome to the monkey house, from my favorite collection of short stories, also welcome to the monkey house.

**but what is modesty? isn’t it different for every person, based on height and weight, so entirely unobjective? call me when there’s a number attached to this.


girl (and boy) power (day sixty seven)


happy international women’s day! it’s crazy how prominent feminism has become within the past few years (at least in my mind). i have to admit it probably hadn’t crossed my mind before 2013 or 2014. of course, when i was younger, i believed that girls should have the same opportunities as boys, and i probably tried to toe the social line of what boys and girls could and couldn’t do. i think, more than anything else, the women in my life have influenced all the decisions i’ve made. my mom, without fail, will hand me tissues and talks me through the worst parts of my crying bouts, whether i want her to or not. my sister always helped me through my toughest decisions and provided advice that never bothered to cross my mind. the success of these two, plus countless other women, have really reminded me of what feminism is about.

it’s 2015, and the word feminist creates a conundrum whenever mentioned. sometimes, “aggressive” people declaring everything misogynistic on tumblr. other times, people complaining about the previously mentioned aggressors. maybe it’s a quote from a celebrity, male or female, that stirs up some controversy (or praise). i think feminism becoming more universal is such a controversial concept because it’s so new. not the idea, or the name itself, but the notion that it is not constricted to a few radical individuals. and there’s new information and knowledge coming out about it everyday, that we step around the topic.

i am not opposed to the people labeled aggressive (i think what they’re doing is awesome because they’re passionate), but i think it’s hard to choose your battles in this war for equality. sometimes it’s the smallest stuff that irks me, like the same people praising sam smith about his acceptance speech at this year’s who slammed taylor swift for her’s in 2013, when they’re both thanking past flames for influencing their music. it’s definitely not sam smith’s issue, but i think that while this is a bit insignificant in the whole scheme of gender equality, it’s an important realization to make.

so many of my friends hate feminism because they think it’s man-hating or that it’s being too discussed. but i think that the fuss is important. i don’t want a factor, something i was born as and love to be, so trivial as gender to determine how much money i get as opposed to the guy next to me. i’m tired of being told that it’s okay if my grades are mediocre, that if i have great manners and look good enough i could just marry my way to success.

so yeah, i am a feminist.

a video that deepened my view on feminism (it may have 6 million views but i can’t say it’s overrated)


waffle house and feminism (day two)


the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

over the past few years, my family has been going to a nearby waffle house on the morning of christmas day. this year we were on vacation during christmas (much to my chagrin) and we missed that delicious tradition, but my sister and i continued the trend this morning. it’s something i always look forward to, because you can always count on waffle house being open. as we were leaving, a man who was definitely over thirty called out to us (my sister and i are still in our teens) and said something along the lines of “damn girl” among some other things. at first i thought this was a catcall, but soon i realized that catcalls are something more along the lines of “a shrill call or whistle expressing derision or disapproval” rather than anything sexual. the comments of 10 hours of walking in nyc as a woman come from both sides of the spectrum, including “YOUR job is to keep your fucking mouth shut when I walk past you” and “Harassment? 90% of these guys were wishing you a nice day you stuck up bitch” 

one comment explained that this is nothing compared to what he and his boyfriend deal with every day. while i feel for his situation, i also don’t think that attacking this video is the way to showcase what he and his partner go through. i doubt that what happened to me this morning was harassment, but it sure didn’t make me feel flattered. it’s not assault and it definitely isn’t rape, but being hit on by someone at least twice my age made me feel dirty. to be fully clothed in winter apparel and on a mission to have a leslie knope waffle doesn’t equate to “i want someone old enough to be my father to stare at my butt”

a majority of the commenters think that the filmmaker took all these “catcalls” too seriously and that it doesn’t even border on the lines of harassment while others 

as i was writing this i started to see things from everyones’ points of views and i’m honestly dumbfounded. am i taking everything that’s ever happened to me out of proportion or is this a serious issue that thickheaded people don’t believe is wrong? but what i can say is that for me it makes me uncomfortable to be hit on by men twice my age. it makes me feel dirty and it also makes me wonder why no guy my age really talks to me. the great thing about that last two sentences is youtube commenters can’t say is that’s not true because that’s my opinion. what a relaxing conclusion.