girl (and boy) power (day sixty seven)


happy international women’s day! it’s crazy how prominent feminism has become within the past few years (at least in my mind). i have to admit it probably hadn’t crossed my mind before 2013 or 2014. of course, when i was younger, i believed that girls should have the same opportunities as boys, and i probably tried to toe the social line of what boys and girls could and couldn’t do. i think, more than anything else, the women in my life have influenced all the decisions i’ve made. my mom, without fail, will hand me tissues and talks me through the worst parts of my crying bouts, whether i want her to or not. my sister always helped me through my toughest decisions and provided advice that never bothered to cross my mind. the success of these two, plus countless other women, have really reminded me of what feminism is about.

it’s 2015, and the word feminist creates a conundrum whenever mentioned. sometimes, “aggressive” people declaring everything misogynistic on tumblr. other times, people complaining about the previously mentioned aggressors. maybe it’s a quote from a celebrity, male or female, that stirs up some controversy (or praise). i think feminism becoming more universal is such a controversial concept because it’s so new. not the idea, or the name itself, but the notion that it is not constricted to a few radical individuals. and there’s new information and knowledge coming out about it everyday, that we step around the topic.

i am not opposed to the people labeled aggressive (i think what they’re doing is awesome because they’re passionate), but i think it’s hard to choose your battles in this war for equality. sometimes it’s the smallest stuff that irks me, like the same people praising sam smith about his acceptance speech at this year’s who slammed taylor swift for her’s in 2013, when they’re both thanking past flames for influencing their music. it’s definitely not sam smith’s issue, but i think that while this is a bit insignificant in the whole scheme of gender equality, it’s an important realization to make.

so many of my friends hate feminism because they think it’s man-hating or that it’s being too discussed. but i think that the fuss is important. i don’t want a factor, something i was born as and love to be, so trivial as gender to determine how much money i get as opposed to the guy next to me. i’m tired of being told that it’s okay if my grades are mediocre, that if i have great manners and look good enough i could just marry my way to success.

so yeah, i am a feminist.

a video that deepened my view on feminism (it may have 6 million views but i can’t say it’s overrated)


new skins (day forty three)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “New Skin.”

mostly recently, i’ve been seriously getting exhausted with schoolwork and academics overall. it’s sad mostly because i try and my grades are mediocre at best, and i seem to be surrounded by people who don’t need great grades because they have some special talent to back them up or are just amazing at everything. everyone runs and basically saves the world and i sit at home and watch tv. like a lot of tv. as in i like the characters, the real a-holes themselves, more than i like my friends sometimes.

of all the shows i’ve ever watched on netflix, skins is my favorite. it’s just the right kind of show to watch on your computer, especially since everything is so 2006-esque. everyone does drugs and parties, and i question all the time if that’s just in tv and movies. the closest i get to that is reblogging things on tumblr. i know for a fact that instead of going to a school dance two of my friends (and i) are studying chemistry and another is going through old pictures. i suppose it’s just the area we live in. i’ve heard tales about what people in my grade have supposedly been doing, and i’m honestly not shocked. not because they give off the party vibe, but because i’ve been so exposed to it online.

if i could live like anyone for a year, i’d say cook from skins would be the obvious choice. we’re polar opposites- he’s male, british and entirely reckless. a real bad boy without trying, mostly because he doesn’t care about anyone, but he seems to be able to do what he wants with no repercussions. i wake up, go to school, study, watch tv and basically repeat. and i think i will for the next few years (minus the tv watching if i can really pull it together) nonstop, and then i’ll have to go to college and find a job and live on my own and find someone (like a dog) and life begets life and whatnot. but in the one and a half seasons that i’ve seen cook, he’s done everything from almost doing it with a lesbian to nearly getting killed by a drug lord, and he seems to be okay. of course i recognize that tv shows have to have tight, exciting plots but i wonder what it’d be like to live. no one on that show seems to worry about academics, which makes me question if it was/still is like that in bristol or just 2009. what would it be like to just live, and not have to worry about planning for the future? what kind of a person would i become? hopefully, a better one.



people don’t belong to people (day forty two)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Silver Screen.”

but we think and act like they do. we pretend that we’re owed the best of other people when we treat them like complete crap, like their sole purpose in life is to make you happy and not get in your way. it’s a sickening feeling to remember that you’re only the protagonist in your own life and that the world doesn’t revolve around you, but necessary for growth at the same time. i complain all the time about my friends who treat others based on social status, but i do it too. again and again, and it’s a horrible thing to realize. but what if you have to be thick-skinned to make it through school, jobs and ultimately life itself? wouldn’t you just be pretending, just for the sake of not getting hurt? it’s an easy thing to write but when i’m put on the spot i usually make a decision i regret instantly. but i know that if i did the right thing i’d still get flack. a girl can never win.



audrey knows what’s up (day thirty five)


“suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid for.”

-Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

i have a lot of admiration for people who have a way with words. screenwriters, lyricists and just simple people who are eloquent are the very best and most wise in my opinion. often you can pause a movie and something in the dialogue can be used as a vague quote, but rarely does it explain something that you could never have explained before, and didn’t even know was a feeling. and to me, no one’s words strike me harder than those of audrey hepburn’s. i’ve been feeling the mean reds today, and i can’t understand why. i won my match, i went out to target and bought what i needed, and even tried on some clothes in marshall’s. but i get so frustrated so easily and for no reason that it’s a risk encountering me. i wanted to yell at someone, but i just read some of cat’s cradle and tried to stay quiet. one thing i think we always forget is that as we could be dealing with the metaphorical end of our world, the people have their own lives going on. it doesn’t make it okay for someone to blow up at another person, but understanding the reasons behind something are as close as i’m going to get to feel closure.


love is the one wild card (day thirty)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Teen Age Idol.”

like most teen girls (i refuse to use the word tween), i worshipped taylor swift. and i still do. she represents what we all wanted to be at some point- beautiful, talented, genuine and loved. not just to be all that, but to be recognized as someone who has all those traits. there’s a large section of tumblr dedicated to her words, which are so deep i could literally swim in them. i question my speaking habits when i realize again and again that over 50% of my words include “um” and “yeah” and awkward fumbles of explanations. i love the way she’s grown as a person over the past year, and her thoughts have really matured and evolved to the point that she speaks for so many. i always wonder how she became to be so successful, shattering all these records and setting up new benchmarks for other artists. she really has it all- a great voice, stainless public image, seven grammy’s (and counting!!) and awesome fans. she’s such a people person, and everything she does gets her in the good graces of millions of people everywhere. i’m glad that she’s enjoying the single life and proving to skeptics that love extends past domestic relationships. to this day, i love her because she’s what i want to be.


*this entire post was written from a hardcore swiftie’s perspective


no one said it was easy (day twenty five)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Enough Is Enough.”

but i assumed that it was gonna be a piece of cake anyways. and what’s it? having friends, of course.

i’m not sure if it was just chick flicks or ya novels who made me assume that each group goes around with their own clique avoiding other cliques, but i keep getting surprised when i realize again and again that the notion isn’t true. or at least, not everywhere. where i go to school, it’s almost impossible to differentiate people into clean cut friend groups. it’s like god himself giggled and decided to mix all the colors of play-do until it all became an ugly brown blob and people just mesh and interact until you and i can’t tell the purple from the yellow.

in the least creepiest way possible, that’s why it’s so fun to observe people. to sit next to someone in chemistry and then see them interact with people in the hallways is such an odd experience. but i’m not going to lie it’s also hella confusing. everything seems to be confusing to me, but remembering who likes who is exhausting. i can’t count the number of times my friends say something whole-heartedly and then when i state my support a few hours later everyone sighs and says in a diminishing tone that she and james are back together (like, duh) and probably going to get married in the next fourteen minutes and it’s again just occurring to me that it’s not worth it.


again, i throw in the towel.

my grades suffer because i waste my time worrying about what my actions and words might accidentally convey and how other people might see me. it’s so stupid, especially because these people aren’t good people. some don’t work hard and are so mean, and honestly i question the values of others. high school is literally four years of life. whatever happened between sixth grade and now has made my life so much worse (mostly academically), and i only have myself to blame for it. me and my overthinking brain. i’m pretty sure that if i had stayed the same from sixth grade, i would’ve been one of those teens who would’ve been interviewed for a yahoo article or met the president. yes i would be a load weirder but i would also be a ton smarter. what a shame. there’s nothing i can do because i’ve made myself lazy. i used to be a thin, smart kid and now i’m out of shape and metaphorically a loser. being surrounded by successful people is both motivating and upsetting.

but of course, that’s just me and my school. this is something i often jump from side to side on. tomorrow, i’ll probably put my friends back on their pedestals, no matter how rude they can be.


sweet home alabama (day fourteen)

i forgot to pack half the things i need and i have eaten too much.

swansong knowing whassup

swansong knowing whassup