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old, sly dog (day one hundred thirty two)

first of all, i apologize for my disappearance. i may not have a lot of readers, but i’m very thankful for those of you who think that what i’m blabbering on about is important enough to follow.

things have flipped around a few times, and within the past few weeks i changed from a miserable person to a balanced, figuring-it-out girl. i think it’s no coincidence that this all came around the time i started watching the office, but more on that later. nothing sudden has happened, but i slowly and kind of randomly found little moments of pride and happiness. a 95 on a math quiz, or an anecdote my friends find hilarious. it’s sad that those are the things that make me happiest, but i guess my goals aren’t elaborate. i really want to end the school year strong, but that would involve having a non-fluctuating grade in math and such. that is not the case, and i’ve changed my goal to just hanging on.

but i can tell things have changed.

little things, like my reading habits or my exercise plan. i used to read all at once, or at the very least, large chunks of a novel in few sittings. instead, i’ve learned to put a book down for the sake of getting enough sleep. i’m rereading welcome to the monkey house, which i started about two weeks ago, and i’m still just halfway through. i try to get a story each night before bed, but i’ve skipped that the past few days. and this blog… well somehow it kind of dropped from my priorities, and i think that’s okay. summer is coming, and hopefully i’ll write enough to make it up. i also started running again. i’ve always been the one to crack jokes about being out of shape, and until i’m able to run a few miles without stopping, i’ll continue that. and i’ve joined clubs. a broadcasting one and a womens’ one.

this is all kind of a jumble but it’s just to fill in for the past several days in which i was silent on here. i’m going to try to piece out my schoolwork, which is something i rarely do because i don’t have that kind of patience. i’m a frustrated person if i don’t finish things in my first try, so this will test my patience.

so yeah, i’m sure everyone i know has been doing what i’ve just started trying. but i’m learning, which is something.

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old, sly dog (day one hundred thirty two)

first of all, i apologize for my disappearance. i may not have a lot of readers, but i’m very thankful for those of you who think that what i’m blabbering on about is important enough to follow.

things have flipped around a few times, and within the past few weeks i changed from a miserable person to a balanced, figuring-it-out girl. i think it’s no coincidence that this all came around the time i started watching the office, but more on that later. nothing sudden has happened, but i slowly and kind of randomly found little moments of pride and happiness. a 95 on a math quiz, or an anecdote my friends find hilarious. it’s sad that those are the things that make me happiest, but i guess my goals aren’t elaborate. i really want to end the school year strong, but that would involve having a non-fluctuating grade in math and such. that is not the case, and i’ve changed my goal to just hanging on.

but i can tell things have changed.

little things, like my reading habits or my exercise plan. i used to read all at once, or at the very least, large chunks of a novel in few sittings. instead, i’ve learned to put a book down for the sake of getting enough sleep. i’m rereading welcome to the monkey house, which i started about two weeks ago, and i’m still just halfway through. i try to get a story each night before bed, but i’ve skipped that the past few days. and this blog… well somehow it kind of dropped from my priorities, and i think that’s okay. summer is coming, and hopefully i’ll write enough to make it up. i also started running again. i’ve always been the one to crack jokes about being out of shape, and until i’m able to run a few miles without stopping, i’ll continue that. and i’ve joined clubs. a broadcasting one and a womens’ one.

this is all kind of a jumble but it’s just to fill in for the past several days in which i was silent on here. i’m going to try to piece out my schoolwork, which is something i rarely do because i don’t have that kind of patience. i’m a frustrated person if i don’t finish things in my first try, so this will test my patience.

so yeah, i’m sure everyone i know has been doing what i’ve just started trying. but i’m learning, which is something.

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a woman’s not a woman until the pills wear off (day one hundred and ten)

who decided dress code was a good idea?

i pose this question not as someone who “expresses herself through clothing and fashion” but as a teenage girl, free of any dress code violations, who would rather study for my courses over worrying over the width of her tank top. i don’t fall into what most would call inappropriate (i’ve been made fun of for dressing like a teacher), so understand that this doesn’t just come from people who wear short skirts and high heels (which is great for them).

the main reasoning when this whole institution is questioned is that, in school, boys will get distracted with a hard on if they see a bra strap or -gasp- more than two inches between knee and skirt. and, to state the obvious, this is kind of sexist. why should i, an unsuspecting teenage girl, have to dress so the boy sitting behind me can concentrate? and what if i, someone who seems to have a new crush every week yet never does anything about it, am turned on by that sliver of boxer that sometimes peeks through or a boys calves in those shorts? i would say that’s a legitimate argument, as girls are more likely than you would suspect to be attracted to a guy’s back or abs.

and then, there’s also the rationalization that dress codes are somehow supposed to prepare teenagers for the real world. but, assuming that there happen to be occupations outside of offices and courtrooms and banks, this is quite possibly the worst explanation. yes, it’s possible to get discriminated against depending on what you wear, but no cop is going to stop you and hand you a ticket because your dress was four fifths of an inch too short

i don’t want to see anyone’s underwear at school, girl or guys’, but i am completely over the stress and high-horse factor associated with dress code. it’s great if a girl covers herself up or wears short shorts in the summer, but stop acting like your opinion should matter so much. but now that i’m thinking about it, maybe they do prepare people for the real world- girls experience the discrimination that comes with being a woman and boys learn that it’s okay to blame an entire gender for their shortcomings.

“What in hell is a girl with hips like yours doing selling death?”*

this sounds like a drastic example from welcome to the monkey house, but it really doesn’t fall so far from what i’ve heard. of course, substitute selling death with other things, but that’s not the main idea.

i’m a fan of modesty**, but that’s only for myself. it’s important not to decide a woman’s value based on the shortness or length of their skirt.

*title and quote from one of my favorite short stories, welcome to the monkey house, from my favorite collection of short stories, also welcome to the monkey house.

**but what is modesty? isn’t it different for every person, based on height and weight, so entirely unobjective? call me when there’s a number attached to this.

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academic mourning (day one hundred and six)

as you can see from the title of this post, the background is quite somber.

throughout the years, i’ve had parts of my life magnified to help define myself. it varied from being just an overall good kid to my body to my friends, possessions, and most recently, my grades. i seem to be in this horrible cycle of getting bad grades and moping for just a little too long to do well enough in the next opportunity (i drown my sorrows by watching television). but when the series is over (ahem skins) or you have some other kind of reality check, the prospect of opportunity becomes scary. not terrifying, but a passive kind of looming-over-you. it seems inappropriate to jump right into a new opportunity, so after blanking during my chemistry test, i watched an hour of bones and here i am, typing and wondering if i should be doing my homework. but as much as i hate positivity when i’m feeling down, some things are really pushing me to improving.

i have:

  • basically an infinite playlist that won’t distract me since i’ve started listening to the national. i’m a new fan, so most of the songs sound like the others, but i hope in the time to come that i’ll be able to differentiate my favorites.
  • new flair pens (i’ve got 12; i will make sure not to push down too harshly)
  • the weekend. i always think that i’ll become well rested and suddenly replenished over a two and a half day break, but it never seems to work out that way. maybe i’ll renew my books (i haven’t gotten even a third way into americannah and i’m still on the namesake of welcome to the monkey house).

i’m hoping for the best.

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panic [to come] (day seventy eight)

even though the deadlines coming in the next week aren’t strict persay, i’m feeling very antsy. restricted, almost. i feel like i’m walking in a garden of dynamite, and the wrong step is so easy to make, and it would be so simple for me to just b l o w u p.as if i’ll forget everything. i don’t really understand anything i’m learning in any of my classes, and i was brought up for next week’s varsity match. then i have a chemistry test. all this random information is swirling around in my brain, taking precedence over the really important stuff, and man am i stressing. the only thing that prevents this from being a typical angsty account is a newfound love for twenty one pilots. their music is no single genre, but it seems to take the anxiety away.

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teacher’s pet (day sixty seven)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “We Can Be Taught!.”

i have never disliked a teacher. of course, i’ve complained and grumbled about political differences and homework policies, but i’ve always been a fan of all my teachers. i’ve heard i’m like this with most people, leaving out a select few. even when i have squabbles with their methods of teachings, i always came around to revering my teachers. but throughout the years, i’ve started to notice things about teachers.

they seem to give the most passive aggressive to the middle schoolers. that way, no pre-adolescent can question if their teacher means everything they say. teachers get more tough on you as you grow older, and they expect more. but what i see the most in the very best, is a deep interest for what they’re teaching. they’re willing to stay late and respond to your questions, to go the extra mile. not just courtesy stuff, but a connection to their students. even in my favorite teachers i’ve been frustrated in their classes because i don’t believe in what they declare (ie opinions on ferguson) or i’ve been bored with their recurring assignments, but i can tell that the most interested teach the best. years from now, i’ll be able to provide unwanted facts about alexander the great and his trek across the gedrosian desert. i might try and continue my journey in linguistics, perhaps wanting to continue to use spanish.

i think i’ve always liked my teachers because i’m lucky to go where i do. i see all the faults in my school, of course, but i think the administrators have a knack for choosing teachers. i’ve heard accounts of teachers cheating and bullying their students, and i think it’s a shame. education is required (in the united states), so i should remember that’s always worth supporting.

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high school survival (day sixty two)

is it all that wrong to conform if that’s really the only way to stay low? people have a natural tendency to bond over complaining/making fun of others, but for someone who’s sensitive and worrisome, i’m torn between staying quiet and being out of the conversation entirely or adding some trashtalk about someone i mildly dislike and being kind of in. this is a lame issue. i feel like, for me, it’s hard to stay quiet because i hate not being part of something. that’s quite problematic, and i have to fix this.

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