academic mourning (day one hundred and six)

as you can see from the title of this post, the background is quite somber.

throughout the years, i’ve had parts of my life magnified to help define myself. it varied from being just an overall good kid to my body to my friends, possessions, and most recently, my grades. i seem to be in this horrible cycle of getting bad grades and moping for just a little too long to do well enough in the next opportunity (i drown my sorrows by watching television). but when the series is over (ahem skins) or you have some other kind of reality check, the prospect of opportunity becomes scary. not terrifying, but a passive kind of looming-over-you. it seems inappropriate to jump right into a new opportunity, so after blanking during my chemistry test, i watched an hour of bones and here i am, typing and wondering if i should be doing my homework. but as much as i hate positivity when i’m feeling down, some things are really pushing me to improving.

i have:

  • basically an infinite playlist that won’t distract me since i’ve started listening to the national. i’m a new fan, so most of the songs sound like the others, but i hope in the time to come that i’ll be able to differentiate my favorites.
  • new flair pens (i’ve got 12; i will make sure not to push down too harshly)
  • the weekend. i always think that i’ll become well rested and suddenly replenished over a two and a half day break, but it never seems to work out that way. maybe i’ll renew my books (i haven’t gotten even a third way into americannah and i’m still on the namesake of welcome to the monkey house).

i’m hoping for the best.


i love this feeling, but i hate this part (day fifty four)


to me, this is one of the most genius quotes in all of the perks of being a wallflower. i can’t say underrated, because every sentence in that book is quoted way too often. it’s nonetheless the kind of a question that makes me stop and think, this person explained it perfectly (like any taylor swift lyrics basically). why do we let people walk over us, and treat us like we’re different? it’s unexplainable which is distressing because it is connected so heavily to domestic abuse and bullying.

in the new song greek tragedy, the wombats remind us that this is as uncommon as hot dog stands in new york city. the back and forth of this sick relationship will only end in a sweet sort of destruction. like you know things won’t be okay, but the alarms in your head are drowned out by a slow symphony of music (think of the soundtrack to effy’s drug highs in skins). it’s interesting, because in the end most people don’t blame their significant other. the fact that greek tragedy is such a common term shows how unexplainable this phenomenon is. people don’t always want to be hurt. sometimes we realize it, but don’t (or can’t) do anything about it.

the music video (both the original and the remix) are in my opinion, amazing. i’m a lenient critic for everything, but i thought both were creative in unexplainable ways. i honestly love both, but i chose the version above because a song can only get better when bastille remixes it. it’s incredible, the music video is even remixed.

she hits like ecstasy

so free up the cheaper seats

here comes the greek tragedy…


new skins (day forty three)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “New Skin.”

mostly recently, i’ve been seriously getting exhausted with schoolwork and academics overall. it’s sad mostly because i try and my grades are mediocre at best, and i seem to be surrounded by people who don’t need great grades because they have some special talent to back them up or are just amazing at everything. everyone runs and basically saves the world and i sit at home and watch tv. like a lot of tv. as in i like the characters, the real a-holes themselves, more than i like my friends sometimes.

of all the shows i’ve ever watched on netflix, skins is my favorite. it’s just the right kind of show to watch on your computer, especially since everything is so 2006-esque. everyone does drugs and parties, and i question all the time if that’s just in tv and movies. the closest i get to that is reblogging things on tumblr. i know for a fact that instead of going to a school dance two of my friends (and i) are studying chemistry and another is going through old pictures. i suppose it’s just the area we live in. i’ve heard tales about what people in my grade have supposedly been doing, and i’m honestly not shocked. not because they give off the party vibe, but because i’ve been so exposed to it online.

if i could live like anyone for a year, i’d say cook from skins would be the obvious choice. we’re polar opposites- he’s male, british and entirely reckless. a real bad boy without trying, mostly because he doesn’t care about anyone, but he seems to be able to do what he wants with no repercussions. i wake up, go to school, study, watch tv and basically repeat. and i think i will for the next few years (minus the tv watching if i can really pull it together) nonstop, and then i’ll have to go to college and find a job and live on my own and find someone (like a dog) and life begets life and whatnot. but in the one and a half seasons that i’ve seen cook, he’s done everything from almost doing it with a lesbian to nearly getting killed by a drug lord, and he seems to be okay. of course i recognize that tv shows have to have tight, exciting plots but i wonder what it’d be like to live. no one on that show seems to worry about academics, which makes me question if it was/still is like that in bristol or just 2009. what would it be like to just live, and not have to worry about planning for the future? what kind of a person would i become? hopefully, a better one.



In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Wanderer.”

travel is an odd thing in that having the same trip could still cause countless kinds of experiences for different people. i happen to hate most kind of traveling, because it makes me sad, tired, broke, sometimes fat and often stressed. perhaps this is because i often travel with family (as most people do), but i feel like vacations should be all fun. you took time off of work or school to go somewhere, but what’s the point if you’re not enjoying it wholeheartedly? if given the option, i’d rather buy a few pairs of pants and call it a year. but i’m not saying the idea of a vacation doesn’t excite me.

  1. missoula, montana- i had never heard of missoula before last year, but three two large parts of my life (and a book we read in english) mentioned it so it stuck in my mind as being a dream destination. hank green from vlogbrothers lives there, and seeing it as the backgrounds to some of his videos makes me so curious. of course, it’s heavily connected to twin peaks (co-creator david lynch and actor bobby briggs were born there, as well as character maddy ferguson)
  2. north bend, washington- background to much of twin peaks, including the double r diner
  3. alberta, canada- in retrospect, the pictures that pop up in google images make alberta look a little like what i expected missoula to look like. but anyways, background to the cheesy but nonetheless adorable movie the right kind of wrong
  4. coney island, new york city- does this even need explaining??
  5. bristol, england- background to skins. i think itt’s kind of odd that i chose this place since most of the scenes in the show are not really graphic but dirty looking. all that comes up is effy walking around barefooted and basically everyone going to sleep dirty. i live in a major city, so i wonder if everything looked like that in 2007…

not all who wander are lost (day thirty seven)